ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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