he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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