he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
