nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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