Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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