there's paper in my vomit.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
