So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
