OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
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