Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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