i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
