So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
