I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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