Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
