So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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