She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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