I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
