god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize