Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
