I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize