Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize