He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
