Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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