he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The adults are the big ones right?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
