All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
