I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
