wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
