She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize