i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
