I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
