It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
What drink are we having for lunch?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
did you just send me my own nude
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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