So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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