dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
