Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
