MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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