i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
