He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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