I was born with a shot glass in my hand
im six kinds of drunk right now
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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