TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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