and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
