So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
