Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
