end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
