I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize