Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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