soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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