Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
