im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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