Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Couch. On fire.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
