she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
