i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
