just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
whose parrot is this?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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