I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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