I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
