I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
