Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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