the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
