beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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