If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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