No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
