And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
