I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
