I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
being pregnant is like rehab
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
