Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he thought i was a dude.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
