that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
