Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
