but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I have demons in me.
well you can't waste a boner
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
