I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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