i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
