my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
