The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
