i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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