Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
