I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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