I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
