I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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